Platform For Presidency

This will be my platform when I run for president.

First act as president. It’s time we got rid of grassy knolls, they're no good. Columbine had a grassy knoll, JFK was shot near a grassy knolls. I think the solution is to get rid of grassy knolls. I think violence will decrease by 50%. At least

Another part is this: send all the niggers to Kansas, not blacks, just niggers, there is a difference. Niggers are the ones who use Ebonics, live off of welfare, and call themselves and others “nigga” and “gangsta”. Then send all religious people to Utah. Then we abolish Kansas and Utah. What have they done for us lately anyway? So we abolish them…with nuclear bombs. Then we take the charred lands and make two new states ... that are inhabitable for a while. Of course, not full-size nuclear bombs, fallout would kill us. I’m not that dumb. We use tactical nukes, you know, the small ones. We use tactical nukes to destroy the states.

I even have a good war policy we take all the countries that don’t help us and are overseas. You know, Middle East, Russia, Korea, and bomb the shit out of them. ...Lets see them start a war then.

Crocker is the secretary of defense too. Not really, but I’ll say he is in all my speeches. Just so he can be at home like I AM NOT SECRETARY OF DEFENCE GODDAMN IT!!

Richard is the popcorn chicken king. He has have complete control over popcorn chicken

Next, instead of jail time and death sentence punishment for murder is going to change. ...They go to the army. They want to kill; they can do it legally there. Put them to good use. Like the D.C. sniper. He'd kick some ass in Iraq instead of rotting and taking tax money.

My platform kicks ass. All movies must be approved; we've had enough bad movie ideas for one millennium.

Also whenever there’s a shooting or something, it should be illegal to bitch at the bands the shooters or whatever listen to and makers of games and movies they play and watch. Illegal and punishable by clawing their eyes out with angry kitties. And as for the tragedies themselves, you have to stop bitching after 5 years. We’re STILL Bitching about Columbine. And why is it we can have shows about murders, but O.J. can’t write about it? I mean, I guess it's a little different because he IS the killer (Oh wait sorry, no he’s not, the glove didn’t fit. He’s still looking for the killer. On golf courses all around the world. He’ll find you mystery small hand golf killer.)...Or perhaps that’s not it perhaps…IT'S BECAUSE HE'S BLACK, ISN'T IT?!

See I’d be a good president.

Here’s an idea: kill Mexicans… kill them, legal or not. Just keep doing it. then maybe they'll see we don’t like them and don’t want them here and stop crossing the border and we'll lower their numbers too but we'll be efficient about it we'll do it both within the government via concentration camps and let the public go wild with it. Go ahead. Shoot the fuckers. And you know what? All that legal Mexican killing, it'll get out some aggression. Don’t shoot your classmates, shoot a wet back. Besides. They’re terrorists. They’ve done more damage than Al Qaeda lately. I mean… Chi-Chi’s, Taco Bell. It’s all an evil plot. Bastards.

Also I have an idea for the immigration problem. It involves metal, and bars and I call it a “Fence.” The “Fence” concept is hard to grasp for the average individual, but I am confidant it will keep out or at least slow down illegal immigration. It should also help stop them from shitting in our vegetables. And trust me it’s not inhumane. No matter how many volts I make the electricity running through it.

And to relieve stress, one riot every year 24 hours of complete anarchy. Of course that’s dangerous so we'd hold it in Canada. who cares about them?

Then we get all the conspiracy theorists and we get them together the ones with conspiracies that make sense, they're free to go. ...We kill the ones with stupid ideas

My other plan is we legalize weed... then lace it with heroin and other drugs. So there are less people like Ben. They’ll all overdose.

Also, Death to idiots. There was a lady who killed her husband because she asked for a beer and he brought her a warm one. She shot him to death. A kid was arrested for opening a Game boy early. All my friends will back me up on this. My all time favorite: a man refused to eat what his wife cooked for him and he got a burger and brought it home and they argued. He threw the burger at her and she called to cops for assault for a deadly weapon. These people need shot fro being stupid and wasting the police’s time and our tax dollars. So… they will be.

Then we give George W. Bush a position in which he has no power and does nothing but give speeches. Just so he can make me laugh.

As president I will also ensure Ted Kennedy will never drive another car again in his life.

Also, we will remove all people worthy of living from California, then sink it. It’s full of faggots Mexicans and famous people who suck. We’ll get the cool ones out first though.

More To Come.
...Maybe

I Win.