Part 2 - The Story of Xenu

"Dude, this story.. the guy that made it up HAD to be on acid, opium, THC, AND watching some fucking fucked up Weird Al movie or something. Ben has had more intelligent thoughts" ~Chris

So, so far it’s not THAT out there. So far. Just wait.

Because now, we get to the story of how humans got here according to scientology. Some people (like comedian George Carlin) claim the idea of an “Invisible man living in the sky” creating people is a dumb idea. They don’t know any scientologists.

Heres the story:

The "Hidden Truth" about the nature of the universe is taught to only the most advanced Scientologists, those who have achieved the level "clear", in a series of courses known as the Advanced Levels. The contents of these courses are held in strict confidence within Scientology. They have never been published by the Church, except for use in highly secure areas. The most advanced of all are the eight Operating Thetan levels, which require the initiate to be thoroughly prepared. The highest level, OT VIII, is only disclosed at sea, on the Scientology cruise ship Freewinds. Because Scientology is a mystery religion, the more closely guarded and esoteric teachings imparted at these higher levels may not always be entirely consistent with its entry-level teachings.

In the confidential OT levels, Hubbard describes a variety of traumas commonly experienced in past lives. He also explained how to reverse the effects of such traumas. Among these advanced teachings, one episode that is revealed to those who reach OT level III has been widely remarked upon in the press: the story of Xenu, the galactic tyrant who first kidnapped certain individuals who were deemed "excess population" and loaded these individuals into space planes for transport to the site of extermination, the planet of Teegeeack (Earth). These space planes were said to have been copies of Douglas DC-8s, except with rocket engines. He then stacked hundreds of billions of these frozen victims around Earth's volcanoes 75 million years ago before blowing them up with hydrogen bombs and brainwashing them with a "three-D, super colossal motion picture" for 36 days, telling them lies of what they are and what the universe should be like and telling them that they are 3 different things: 'Jesus, God, and The Devil.' The traumatized thetans subsequently clustered around human bodies because they watched the motion picture together, making them think they are all the same thing, in effect acting as invisible spiritual parasites known as "body thetans" that can only be removed using advanced Scientology techniques. Xenu is allegedly imprisoned in a mountain by a force field powered by an eternal battery. He is said to be still alive today.

Scientologists argue that published accounts of the Xenu story and other colorful teachings are presented out of context for the purpose of ridiculing their religion. Journalists and critics of Scientology counter that Xenu is part of a much wider Scientology belief in past lives on other planets, some of which has been public knowledge for decades. For instance, Hubbard's 1958 book Have You Lived Before This Life documents past lives described by individual Scientologists during auditing sessions. These included memories of being "deceived into a love affair with a robot decked out as a beautiful red-haired girl", being run over by a Martian bishop driving a steamroller, being transformed into an intergalactic walrus that perished after falling out of a flying saucer, and being "a very happy being who strayed to the planet Nostra 23,064,000,000 years ago".

 WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

Yeah. So basically, they think that an alien kidnapped and froze other aliens, took them to earth in Douglas DC-8s, and threw them into a volcano, then dropping hydrogen bombs on them. He then showed their souls a 36 day movie (Titanic directors cut?) brainwashing them, and then they possessed human bodies, and trapped Xenu in a force field on a mountain. See, if movie stars weren’t involved we wouldn’t call them Scientologists, we’d call them fucking crazy retards.

Back