MAXIMUM LASSIE!!

Since everything has to be made more EXTREME (or X-TREME), here is an idea from something I saw on a soundtrack. To a Lassie movie. Alice in Chains’ Man In The Box. Seems like they were trying to make it more extreme. Make Lassie….extreme.

This brings me to:

Lassie Extreme.

Imagine it. A movie in which Timmy falls down the well, AND grandpa gets stuck in a burning shed. But that’s just the beginning.

As Lassie goes to save them he (Fuck the fact it’s a girls name, FUCK YOU) learns that a bunch of cokeheads are out to kill the president, and that his girlfriends on a rocket to the moon. With 45 seconds to decide who to save, Lassie gears up with a giant arsenal. Guns, knives, bombs. Only to realize that he can’t use them because he has paws, not hands (don’t ask how he got that shit on). Then with 30 seconds left, Lassie exclaims (somehow) FUCK THIS SHIT, and runs off to chew on a bone. Then his girlfriend dies in the sun, grandpa finds his keys and gets out of the shed only to have a heart attack 5 seconds later, the president is saved when the cokeheads overdose, and Timmy… he can fucking stay in that well. He’s gay… and maybe he’ll learn to watch where the fuck he’s walking and stay out of them damn wells. Always with the fucking wells.

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