Select a Fat or Skinny goal and use Food or Anorexia/Bulimia to achieve your weight goal. All foods contain a set fat amount.

Drive a bus.

Try to kill as few small children as possible, and use the conveniently (and horrifyingly randomly placed) ramps to get extra points (who puts one in the middle of a free way?!), but watch out, they raise the death toll. But wait until level 5 when you crack and go on a hit and run rampage.

…you caught me, it’s just Grand Theft Auto except with only one woman, no other people, and a one house game area.

Lure them out with sandwiches (Hobos eat them, hippies talk about how evil it is cause there’s pork in it), and shoot them… that’s it.

Choose a path, good or evil. That’s the game.

Make yourself look like a complete idiot… wait that was made already…

In this educational game you can teach your child not only how to find the word that rhymes with the word on screen, but also you can teach him to do drugs and gang bang.

Buy a hat.

Take your neighbors shit, argue over property lines, put up a fence 3 inches into their lawn, and give bad advice about their love life… On purpose. Don’t forget to take their lawnmower without asking. And Insult their lawn gnome. God I hate lawn gnomes.

…it explains itself

In this game you’ll beat Bono of U2 with a stick, ignore the feed the children commercials, and instead of sending them your hard earned 10 cents a day, you’ll use it to buy a Slim Jim.

Extreme is getting old, Unleashed sounds stupid, and 2.0 just sucks. Find the Next terrible catchphrase that will undoubtedly sweep the nation.

…There’s seriously online Solitaire. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! IT’S ON YOUR FUCKING COMPUTER AND SUCKS IN THE FIRST PLACE! God I hate online Solitaire.

It’s ok, 19 vodkas is just buzzed. Play through the game through the blurred vision of a drunk and see where you end up in the morning! Dead? Back alley with no money and a stab wound? With a whore? WHO KNOWS?!

Make a crappy movie. What will you be this time? An Animal? A Girl? A poor shitty actor. Oh wait… You already are. Unlockables include Brendan Frasier, Pauly Shore, and that guy from Van Wilder. God I hate Van Wilder.