If you needed more proof that people are retarded, it's right here!

So I needed a rant idea. I wanted to keep myself at 9 this month. I thought to myself, "Where can I get a quick fix of anger? I'm not in school, and I need one..."

Then it hit me. The news. That always pisses me off! But where could I get news at this hour? The TV is so far away! So I went to the MSN home page. I wasn't there for 2 seconds when I saw it. A headline that would make Crocker sigh loudly and look down in disgust. One that would make ben say something like "Wow... wow... they're retarded," and me say "Yeah, more than you!"

It said:

Samaritans unwittingly assist teen with car theft

And for you retarded folks out there, that translates to "A bunch of people were too stupid to realize they were helping someone steal a car."

So, praising the Good Lord for blessing me with something to be angry about, and therefore saving our rant average, I clicked the link, and the stupidity ensued.

Instead of the regular explain-and-bitch thing though, I've got a much more interesting way to go about this... I'm going to show the article paragraph by pararaph with commentary between paragraphs. It's pretty short so your small attentions spans sould be able to blow through it in say... 9 tries. But you probably spent 3 to get this far.

Allright lets start with the Sub-Title and paragraph 1.:

Do-gooders offered impromptu driving lesson to sly 14-year-old

MESA, Ariz. - People got behind and pushed and even offered an impromptu driving lesson to help a boy who was struggling to drive a car — all without realizing that the 14-year-old was stealing the vehicle, police said.

Allright. Where to start? How about the fact that HE WAS 14!! 14-YEAR OLDS CANT LEGALLY DRIVE! Also... IF HE NEEDS A DRIVING LESSION AND HE'S 14, DOES THAT SEEM RIGHT! WHO IS THAT RETARDED?!

The boy stopped mid-getaway Wednesday to ask for help, and at least 15 people responded, according to Phoenix police. Police said the boy then got stuck in reverse, and more neighbors helped him push the car.

So 15 people are that retarded. Wow. And you people think I'm crazy when I say there are too many fucking dumbasses out there.

When he still couldn't figure out how to operate the manual transmission, police said he asked a passer-by for an impromptu driving lesson. Margarita Wood tried to give him directions through the car window and finally climbed in to help.

Wait, wait, wait. I'm looking up the legal driving age for Arizona! Meanwhile, where is this cars owner the whole time?! Anyways there is a chance the driving age might be 14 and 3 months, although that age is kinda young, and it'd be pretty dumb. But then again, Arizona isn't the brightest state now is it. Their state rock is petrified WOOD! WOOD = NOT ROCK. Even if it IS petrified. It's like saying a bat is their state bird. It's not a bad effort, but you dont get the cookie. Anyways..

Police said none of the would-be Samaritans realized the vehicle was stolen or that the driver was underage.

A-ha, so he WAS underage!

"It is incredible that an entire neighborhood would participate in this comedy of errors," said Sgt. Dave Norton.

Comedy is DAMN right.

"Nobody asked why a 14-year-old is out with a vehicle and doesn't know how to drive it," said Norton. "His looks and size should've made bells and whistles go off in people's minds."

So back to my stupid people need to have mandatory abortions so they dont reproduce theory.. Also, from what I saw on the DMV site, which, by the way, takes as long and is near as irritating as the actual place, you must be 15 years and 7 months old. Good job dumbass police officer. Back to the article..

Police caught up with the boy after some city workers and other residents spotted the erratic driver and called 911. The teenager was taken into custody along with the woman teaching him to drive. The woman was released.

Police said the car belongs to a friend of the boy with whom he had been staying. The owner declined to press charges.

The boy was given citations and released to his grandmother.

And there you have it. What a dumbass. What more is there to say?



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