The Movie Rant 2: Revenge Of My Hatrid of Bad Movies
So from what I’ve heard they’re planning another Godzilla Movie. Damn. Do we really need that? Really? I mean, I know, Godzilla’s cool and shit, but haven’t we gotten that all out of our systems? It’s supposed to be another fight movie. Again. 40 minutes long. And Crocker will love the name:
Godzilla 3-D: TO THE MAX!
Yes, that’s right ladies and gentlemen, Godzilla ha been MAXIMIZED. I feel we are one step closer to Lassie: EXTREME!
Plus, 3-D… what the flying fuck?!?! I thought that craze fucking died in the 80’s.
The movie is still being planned, meaning it probably wont meet it’s supposed September release date. Fine by me. I don’t think we need any more sequels/remakes. Not just for Godzilla. But for anything. I mean, so far we’re looking at another “The Hills Have Eyes” “Hannibal Rising” “Hostel: Part 2” “28 Weeks Later” “Halloween” “Resident Evil: Extinction” “Day Of The Dead” and “Saw IV” WAIT?! DIDN’T WE JUST SEE SAW 3 COME OUT LAST WEEK?!? AND SAW 2 LIKE A WEEK BEFORE THAT?! WHAT COULD HAPPEN NEXT?! OH SHIT, THERES ANOTHER ALIEN VS. PREDATOR?! THE LAST ONE WAS OK, BUT THIS ONE WILL SUCK!
Same with Hills Have Eyes 2. They killed off almost all of the main characters, the guy that led people to the mutants, and almost all of the mutants. They’ll have to make this movie from scratch. That always makes movies suck. I say al this because this is supposed to be a sequel to the remake, not a remake of the sequel. What I mean by that, is this is not going to be like the first “The Hills Have Eyes 2.” This is a new “The Hills have Eyes 2,” with a new plot and shit. Because last time sucked. Even Wes Craven admits he made that for money. But we forgive him, Wes is awesome. He can make a sequel to ANYTHING. Look at how many Freddy movies there are. And he’s working o0n a remake on “Last House On The Left.”
What the fuck is it with the horror genre? That’s all we get, remakes and sequels. There are a few new ones out and upcoming and they all look gay. Blood and Chocolate, and The Messengers. Poop. The Reaping. Poop. Thr3e looks ok, but a lot like Saw.
Back to Godzilla though. I know a lot of you are thinking: Damn, them Japs cant do shit without a monster coming around. They go out to get the mail and are abducted by aliens. They put a potato in the microwave, turn it on, and the potato is zapped with radiation and becomes a 30 story tall potato monster. POTATOZILLA.
But guess what, this one doesn’t take place in Japan. *Mass Gasp* And it wasn’t made in America! *Mass Gasp 2: Return of the Mass Gasp*
No, it starts in Brazil or something, and works it’s way up to Las Vegas, where it ends, and the sequel surely begins.
ANother point i'd like to revist is "Based on A True Story." A quote from Mitch hedberg. "That means it's not the true story on film. It means it was inspired by a true story, thats kinda silly, ya know?. Like 'Hey Mitch, did you hear the story about that lady who drove her three kids into a river and they all drowned?' 'Awww, yeah. I did. You know what? That inspires me to write a movie about a gorilla!"
Whatever. My attention Span is gone. I leave you with one final thought:
Potato Monster.
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